Perfect Poached Eggs …

So, many years ago I learned how to make the perfect poached eggs to impress my girlfriend at the time. She was someone who was very important to me and I wanted her to wake up each morning where I would bring these to her (as a poached egg was one of favourite things).

However, aside from the romantic notions there was also the fact that I wanted to prove that as a guy living on my own, I actually knew how to use the cooker thingy that was in my kitchen.

Us bods who work in technology are generally not renowned for our cooking abilities … actually come to think about it we are not generally renowned for personal hygiene, social skills, odds on chances with women or being able to hold a conversation about anything other than the eye of Sauron.

Anyhow, for a long time I messed around with those stupid silicone poachers until I discovered the best way to make them was just chuck the fuckers in the boiling water for 4 minutes!

However there was a little more to it than just boiling the crap out of them – so I thought that I would share this simple method to create the perfect poached eggs without the need for silicone!.

You will need

  • Two medium sized eggs.
  • Three table spoons of malt vinegar.


Boil a kettle of water (I do this because I am a lazy bastard and can’t be arsed to wait for the hob to heat the water).

Place the boiled water into a small to medium sized saucepan (depending on the number of eggs you wish to make – I don’t recommend any more than two at a time as it becomes a pain in the arse and they need to be able to ‘move around’).

You need to ensure that the water is deep enough so when the eggs are added they do not hit the bottom of the pan and split, but there is enough water for them to sink into.

Add the three tablespoons of vinegar to the water (or just chuck a load in like you do on chips).

This is because egg whites are mostly protein, and protein starts to set as soon it meets heat.
Yolks cook slower to begin with, and even more slowly when they are surrounded by their whites.
Adding vinegar to poaching water makes the whites firm even faster to prevent them from dispersing in the water.

Wait for the water to simmer – then stir fairly quickly with a wooden spoon.

Simmering is important – as boiling will do exactly what is says in the tin – boil shite out of them! So just let the water gently bubble away!

Crack your eggs directly into the stirred water, stirring is important as it helps give the eggs their shape and keeps them separated from one another in the pan.

Simmer for 4 minutes (you can time this by putting your toast on at the SAME the eggs are added to the pan with the toaster set to 4 mins) when your toast is done the eggs are ready.

Remember to get the eggs out of the pan as quickly as you can and drain them after 4 mins – as they keep cooking for a while even after being removed.

Serve and spam your friends on Facebook with the results – or even do what I have done and write a blog post about them!

Serving suggestion

Poached eggs are versatile, often served with Hollandaise and smoked Salmon, however – my favourite is pate on buttered toast with a sprinkling of sea salt and ground pepper.

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